The Best Allen Story Ever
by Suramira
Summary: For all the Allen fangirls, which does not include me.


I would like to dedicate the reposting of "The Best Allen Story Ever" to my fantastic husband Patrick, in honor of how it all began.

* * *

Allen woke up. It was a beautiful, sunny day, except that they were in space. Looks like someone had too much to drink last night. Oh no! Allen realized something horrible might have happened! While he was trying to drown his pain over the memories of his past domestic abuse, parental death/ neglect, death of grandmother/parental figure/ gay lover/dog/lizard adopted from pet store clearance rack, had he perhaps done something he'd come to regret? Oh, of course not. He was so kind and good that he could make chaos look evil. How could anyone forget that?

Allen got dressed in his oh-so-fine footy pajamas. Even though the Vector uniform was really ugly, he could always make it look superfine! He combed back his luscious red hair and smiled in the mirror. But he was just far too good to mention his hotness to himself. Humbly he walked toward the door. Realizing he was wearing pajamas, he laughed to himself and went back to change.

Finally dressed in his oh-so-fine Vector uniform, the superfly Man of Science walked out of the room toward the Elsa restaurant. The moment he stepped inside, all conversation ceased. Everyone stared at Allen in awe. Shion, especially, realized at that moment that her feelings for him were certainly growing, and she was just so taken by his hotness. She tried to catch her breath as she looked at the man she'd worked alongside for so long. Why had she never noticed? Now she'd have to go meet him later and help him. Surely he had been wrestling with secret demons for so long.

Meanwhile, chaos stared at Allen. Because chaos lived in space with three other men, he was automatically gay. His amazing femininity made him a favorite with the gay community. But now he knew what he had been looking for all his life—Allen Ridgely was the answer to his prayers!

After breakfast, Shion began stalking Allen. Allen was no fool, though. He knew that Shion was following him to his room. But he didn't want to crush her hopes, so he pretended not to notice. But as everyone knew, Allen had the best peripheral vision this side of Keltia. At his door, he stopped and turned to look at Shion. "Hello, Chief!"

Shion turned red. "Oh! Allen! Can I erm…..talk to you for a moment?"

"Of course," said the kind, gracious, and hospitable Allen. He let Shion in and shut the door.

Shion was turning redder by the minute. "Allen, I was just wondering…are you all right? Because you know, every time we go to work on KOS-MOS, I can see you wrestling with your inner demons."

Tears sprang to Allen's eyes. "Oh, Shion! It's just that my family has all died, and all I have left of them is the swimsuit my mother made me! And furthermore, everyone I like never likes me back. Oh, Shion…!"

Oh, the humanity! This wonderful man's admittance of his own failings was so incredibly attractive to Shion. She soon found herself holding tightly to Allen's shoulders. "Oh, Allen!" she cried. "Take me now!"

"Ch-Chief!" Allen cried. "Surely you don't mean…!"

"Oh yes. I mean it. Do me now, here!" Shion was so overcome by Allen's incredible strength that she could resist him no longer!

Just then, the door opened. Someone gasped. "Why, Allen! I-I didn't know you and Shion…"

Shion turned and squealed. "Get out of here, chaos! We don't want you here!"

Allen couldn't take the cruelty. "Shion, that's not true! I want to make both of you happy, just like my mother always tried to do for me and my poor ten siblings who all died in the Black Plague!"

"That was thousands of years ago, Allen," said Shion.

"Well, I guess that's why I'm not a historian!" said Allen, smiling roguishly.

"Oh, Allen!" Shion tried to kiss him.

Allen pushed her away. "Shion, please. I want to take things slowly if we're going to have a relationship."

chaos looked pained. "What about me, Allen?"

Allen sighed. There was no way to make him happy. Allen just didn't swing that way. "I know, chaos. I'll give you some money so you can take KOS-MOS out on a date. I'm sure she would like that. Maybe on the way you'll meet the three URTV brothers. They are together, you know."

chaos brightened. "Well, okay!" He skipped out to find the android of his dreams.

Allen turned back to Shion. "So will you be my girlfriend?" he said in that oh-so-debonair way he was known for.

Shion swooned.


End file.
